Create a New Marriage …

Create a New Marriage … with Your Same Spouse

Whitney Hopler

You and your spouse annoy each other more than enjoy each other.  There’s very little romance left in your marriage, but plenty of conflicts.  All attempts so far to improve your relationship have failed.  You don’t want to continue living like this, but you don’t want the trauma of divorce, either.

What to do?  You can walk away from your old marriage and create a new and better one with your same spouse.  Here’s how:

Face your problems.  Admit that your marriage has become so broken that it isn’t working.  Don’t waste any more time and energy wallowing in misery.  Instead, think of all the joy and satisfaction that you both and your children are missing with your marriage in its current state.  Let that motivate you to make changes.

Tear down your old marriage and start rebuilding.  Think of your old marriage as an unsafe building that must be torn down so a new building can be built in its place.  Set a solid foundation in place for your new marriage by constructing three pillars: growing closer to God through spiritual disciplines like regular prayer, Bible reading, and church attendance; both you and your spouse meeting with your own accountability partner weekly, and scheduling four times to talk as a couple each week for 20 to 30 minutes each time.

Repent.  Rather than blaming your spouse for the problems in your marriage, acknowledge that both of you have contributed to its breakdown.  Take responsibility for your own mistakes that have harmed the marriage.  Accept that you can’t change your spouse, but you can change your own attitudes and actions, so focus on how God wants you to change.  Confess and repent of your sins in specific ways, and tell God how sorry you are about the impact your sins have had on your relationships with Him and others, such as your spouse.  Ask God to forgive you.  Commit to turning away from your sins and walking in the opposite direction – toward God – from now on.

Discuss your mistakes and work to correct them.  Write a letter to your spouse describing your mistakes from the day you met to today and expressing your repentance.  Ask your spouse to do the same.  Then read your letters out loud to one another, while you each take turns listening and making positive – not negative – comments about each other’s letters.  Identify each of your top two mistakes and come up with a plan to correct those mistakes in your marriage.

Choose to be positive.  Even while your feelings toward your spouse are negative, you can decide to interact in positive ways that will eventually improve your feelings toward each other.  Figure out what specific behaviors you can do that will demonstrate that you care about your spouse; then follow through by doing them regularly.  Ask God to help you notice qualities you can appreciate about your spouse and make a habit of complimenting him or her often.  Make time to share conversations about topics you both enjoy.

Bring back some physical affection.  Force yourselves to reach out and touch each other affectionately again.  Hold hands.  Give each other massages.  Share kisses and hugs.  Even when you’re not ready for sexual intimacy, you can still express your love in physical ways to thaw the ice between you.

Resolve conflicts successfully.  When you and your spouse discuss your disagreements, take turns speaking and listening in 10-minute blocks and clarifying each other’s message until you both feel understood.  Be willing to compromise to make decisions that both of you can live with on a trial basis, and be willing to renegotiate if necessary.  Take breaks whenever your conversations get off track and restart when both of you have calmed down and are ready to focus. 

Heal from your past pain.  Pursue healing for emotional pain from your past that is affecting your marriage right now.  Write letters to the people from your past who have had a dramatic, lasting impact on how you operate in opposite-sex relationships (such as your parents and ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends).  Ask your spouse to do the same.  Identify how you’re repeating unhealthy behaviors you learned from your relationships with them in your current marriage.  Join your spouse to read each other’s letters and discuss how best to stop the transfer of past pain to your marriage.

Forgive.  Write a letter to your spouse describing specific events or behaviors for which you’re choosing to forgive him or her.  Ask your spouse to do the same.  Then read your letters to each other and discuss them.

Work to meet each other’s needs.  Talk openly and honestly together about what specific needs you hope the other will try to meet, and how and when to accomplish that.  Discuss both daily needs (like splitting errands and household chores) and your ongoing top emotional needs (such as for enriching conversations, sexual intimacy, and spiritual growth).

Use tough love to help motivate your spouse to change.  If your spouse is stuck in a serious sin (like an addiction to alcohol or pornography, or a pattern of verbally abusing you), stop tolerating the status quo and go to war against the sin that’s harming your marriage.  Stand up to your spouse and clearly state that either he or she chooses to change, or you’ll separate.  Gain the strength you need for this process through prayer, a support team of people you can trust, and a professional therapist and financial and legal advisors, if necessary.  Write a letter to present to your spouse during your initial confrontation and invite him or her to discuss it with you at a later date, on which your spouse should also begin intensive work on your marriage if he or she wants to save it.  If your spouse doesn’t choose to work on your marriage, bring several people on your support team with you to confront your spouse.  If that doesn’t work, get your pastor and other church leaders involved.  If even that doesn’t work, shun your spouse and separate.  Don’t pursue a divorce.  Instead, keep praying while you’re separated and God will strengthen you.

The Husband’s Sanctifying Role in Marriage

The Husband’s Sanctifying Role in Marriage

Bob Lepine

It was a custom in ancient times for a bride to be bathed before her wedding. The custom was not simply carried out for aesthetic purposes. That bath had the same symbolic idea as a white wedding gown. The freshly bathed bride would arrive at the altar pure and clean. She would be, in the language of Ephesians 5, “having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing” (v. 27). Any impurity or defilement that might have existed was figuratively washed away in that prenuptial bath.

In the same way, when a man confesses his sins and comes to Christ, he is cleansed from all unrighteousness. Old things are passed away, according to 2 Corinthians 5:17, and all things are made new. Our Bridegroom washes us with his blood, and we publicly declare that we are his in a covenant cleansing ceremony of our own — baptism.

There is a significant difference between the ancient custom of a wedding day bath and the cleansing of the bride spoken of in Ephesians 5. In the first case, the bride makes herself ready for her husband. But in the Scriptures, the bride of Christ is incapable of cleansing herself. It is her Beloved who cleanses her, with his own blood, and who washes her in water with the Word.

Now, in a very real sense, God the Holy Spirit is the agent of sanctification in the life of every believer. He is the one who is charged with the responsibility of conforming us to the image of Christ. Although his ministry to us is sometimes direct and personal, he often chooses to work through the lives of other believers to press us toward holiness.

According to this passage, then, God wants a husband to follow the example of Christ, and to take responsibility for his wife’s spiritual growth. John MacArthur says it this way: just as “saving grace makes believers holy through the cleansing agency of the Word of God . . . it is with that same purpose and in that same love that husbands are to cultivate the purity, righteousness, and sanctity of their wives.”1 Or, as James Boice states it, “God holds husbands responsible for the spiritual growth and maturing of their wives.”2

This responsibility for my wife’s spiritual growth involves two primary assignments: I am not to lead her into sin, and I am to lead her into righteousness.

A few years back I was a guest on a radio talk show, fielding calls from listeners about marriage. A young woman who called in that day said that she and her husband were having marital problems. As she explained it to me, there were sexual practices he wanted her to engage in which are clearly forbidden in Scripture, including the two of them viewing pornography together. He was angry with her because of her refusal, and she called me, wondering if she should submit to him in these practices. She told me that her husband claimed to be a follower of Christ.

The only way a husband can lead his wife into sin is if he is going there himself. I believe there are many husbands today who are attempting to justify their own sinful behavior by trying to get their wives to join them in it. I told this caller that a wife is never to obey her husband if he asks her to violate the commands of God. In this case I suggested that she seek counsel from her pastor, asking him if he thought she ought to participate in these activities. My hope was not only to direct her to ongoing godly counsel, but also to expose her husband’s sin in hopes that the church would confront him and hold him accountable.

In Genesis 12 we read about a husband who led his wife into sin. The father of the nation of Israel, Abraham, began his patriarchal career by asking his wife to tell a little white lie.

Abram and his wife Sarai had gone to Egypt to find food, for there was a famine in the land where God had brought them. Abram was afraid that some Egyptian man would find Sarai attractive and would kill him so that he might have her for his wife. So Abram instructed Sarai to lie and to say she was his sister.

Now, whom was Abram worried about? Not Sarai. He wanted to protect his own skin. Since everyone thought Sarai was Abram’s sister, all the Egyptian men figured she was fair game. She was taken to Pharaoh’s house and was about to become a part of the harem when God stepped in. He sent a plague on the house of Pharaoh and made it known to Pharaoh that Sarai was a married woman.

Pharaoh was not happy with Abram for perpetrating this hoax. In the providence of God, Abram and Sarai were able to get out of Egypt alive.

Whether it involves viewing pornography or telling a lie, like asking your wife to sign a dishonest income tax return, a husband who encourages his wife to sin is falling short of the example of Christ. We are called to live holy and blameless lives, and to invite our wives to follow us as we follow Christ.

As we turn away from sin, we are also to lead our wives in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. This involves active encouragement and discipleship as we seek to see our wives grow in their walk with the Lord.

There are three primary ways in which we can encourage our wives to grow. The first is to do all we can to help them grow in their personal walk with Christ. We should help provide time for our wives to be in prayer and in their study of God’s Word. We can point them to resources for this and can suggest other books to read or tapes to listen to. We can also make it possible for them to have extended times away for personal retreat and solitude.

Second, we ought to take the initiative and encourage them to grow with us. We should set aside time to read with them, to pray and study together. Some husbands I know make it a practice to read a book together at night, before bed, taking turns reading the chapters out loud. Another friend sets aside a three-hour chunk of time each week for reading and study together with his wife. Even a one-page devotional each day will give you an opportunity to grow together.

Finally, a husband can lead his wife to corporate worship. He should be the one leading them to participate in Sunday worship, as well as Bible studies and fellowship with other believers. He should make possible the opportunity for her to be a part of women’s Bible study groups. It is his responsibility to make sure he and his wife have plenty of opportunity to grow in their relationship with Christ. And if she has a question about the Scriptures, he needs to stand ready to help her find the answer (see 1 Cor 14:35).

Christ has cleansed us, the Bible teaches, “by the washing of water with the word” (Eph 5:26). Most Bible scholars believe that verse is a reference to our baptism and to our profession of faith (“the word”). The writer of Hebrews, however, has a different kind of cleansing in mind when he talks about how drawing near to Christ leads to our sanctification. “Since we have a great priest over the house of God,” he says, “let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water” (Heb 10:21-22).

In John 17 Jesus prays for his followers that God will “sanctify them in the truth.” God uses his truth — his Word — as his means of grace to make us more like himself. In that way God’s Word is like water: the more we’re immersed in it, the more it does its work of cleansing us and making us more like Christ. As we read, study, memorize, and meditate on God’s Word, he will use his Word to change us. That’s why Paul exhorts us to “let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another” (Col 3:16), and why David reminds us, “Thy word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against Thee” (Ps 119:11).

John MacArthur puts it this way: “Men, if you love a woman, you will do everything in your power to maintain her holiness, her virtue, her righteousness, and her purity . . . every day you live. You’ll never put her in a compromising situation where she would become angered, because that’s a sin. You would never induce an argument out of her, because that’s a sin. You would do nothing to defile her. You would never let her see anything or expose her to anything, or let her indulge in anything that would in any way bring impurity into her life. Love always seeks to purify.”3

A husband, then, is to follow the example of the Savior. He is to become an agent of sanctification, working with the Holy Spirit to encourage her to grow toward maturity in Christ. He will need to be a model of righteousness. He will need to lead her not into temptation, but to point her away from sin. He will provide her with opportunities to individually and together learn God’s Word.

 

A Championship Marriage

A Championship Marriage

By Ace and Bethany McKay

Those of us who love sports can get downright giddy when we watch our favorite team win on the field or the court. How many of us guys, though, scream “We’re No. 1!” when we ink a big “W” in our marriage? Yet when you and your wife work as a team, you rack up more wins in your relationship—and enjoy consistent “home field” advantage!

On any given Sunday, a football team marches onto the field with a plan for how they are going to win. They’ve worked hard all week practicing and designing plays that will help them perform to the level of their strengths and beat their opponents. No team with a goal to win plays without a game plan.

Yet in our marriages we say, “I do!” only to find ourselves later on the field of life saying, “Now what?” You’ve probably heard this saying (which is as true for marriage as it is for life): “If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail.”

Sure, any team can get into a slump. And they do. But when they do they make changes. They get rid of bad habits and create a playbook that leads to wins

If your marriage is good, then with a new playbook it can be great; and if it’s bad, it can become better. Here are five ways you and your spouse can start thinking and playing together like a team.

1. Realize you ARE a team: It takes both of you to make the marriage work. You have a role, and your spouse has a role. No one can be the quarterback all the time—somebody has to run, catch and block for a game plan to work. When you open up and talk about your expectations for each other, you begin to define your roles as husband and wife to the point that you start to work like a team.

2. Identify your trouble areas: Bad habits can form in marriage much like with a team, but if you can replace them with good habits, then your marriage can be a lasting one. Winning occurs in the little things. Wasn’t it the little things that she did when you dated or after you were engaged that made you fall in love with her more and more? It’s also the little things during your marriage that make you grow in love together. If you see chemistry during a game between players, it’s because they have spent time together. They have practiced the plays from their playbook for the good of the team. Paying attention to the details, the little things, gives them that confidence.

3. Create an offense and a defense: Any good team has plays on offense that, when executed correctly, score every time. Any good team has defensive plays that keep other teams from getting a score. Your marriage needs the same kind of planning. You can start with the easy plays that you know you will execute because of the natural progression marriages take. These are: kids, sex, money, career, faith and outside relationships. Starting with these will open up a great line of communication between you and your wife. Talk out every play and its rules of engagement, as if you were going to run that play tomorrow. Then, when tomorrow comes, you’ll already be suited up and ready to go.

4. Lean on your ‘12th Man’: In football, each team has 11 men on the field for every play, but you often hear announcers talking about a “12th man.” They’re referring to the crowd. The crowd cheers louder when the opposing team is trying to score—in an effort to disrupt the play; but they also cheer loudly for their team when they do something well or when they want to rally the team for a comeback. In marriage, the 12th man is a person or couple outside the marriage who has “been there, done that.” A mentor couple who has seen their own team through hard times is a great 12th man. For each spouse, the 12th man needs to be someone of the same sex. Wives need to talk to other wives and husbands need to talk to other husbands.

5. Scrimmage, scrimmage, scrimmage: As you start working as a team, the next step is to get into a regular “scrimmage” with your spouse. No—I don’t mean you should head-butt and tackle each other! Teams scrimmage to see how their plans and playbook stand up in the heat of the game. So your next step is to practice good habits that make your marriage team stronger.

It takes time and consistency to achieve your goals in marriage. Pick one or two things and work on those. Over time, and with realistic expectations, you’ll find it’s not about chiseling the perfect marriage—it will become more about developing a healthier, more inspiring relationship with your wife.

The Locks and Keys of Effective Prayer

 

The Locks and Keys of Effective Prayer

 

The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. – James 5:16 NIV

 

THE LOCKS:  TEN THINGS

THAT BLOCK PRAYER

 

1.       Praying without Knowing God through Jesus

          John 14:6 – Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.”

 

2.       Praying from an Unrepentant Heart

          Psalm 66:18 – 19 NIV – “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer.”

 

3.       Praying for Show

          Matthew 6:5 – “When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men.  Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full.”

 

4.       Praying Repetitive, Empty Words

          Matthew 6:7-8 – “And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words.  So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.”

 

5.       Prayers Not Prayed

          James 4:2 – “You do not have because you do not ask.”

 

6.       Praying with a Lustful Heart

          James 4:3 – “You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.”

 

7.       Praying while Mistreating Your Spouse

          1 Peter 3:7 – “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way…and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

 

8.       Praying while Ignoring the Poor

          Proverbs 21:13 – “He who shuts his ear to the cry of the poor will also cry himself and not be answered.

 

9.       Praying with Bitterness in Your Heart toward Someone

          Mark 11:25-26 – “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.  But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”

 

10.     Praying with a Faithless Heart

          James 1:6-8 – “But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one you doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.  For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

 

THE KEYS:  TEN THINGS

THAT MAKE PRAYER EFFECTIVE

 

1.       Praying by Asking, Seeking, and Knocking

          Matthew 7:7-8, 11 – “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened…If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!”

 

2.       Praying in Faith

          Mark 11:24 – “Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you.”

 

3.       Praying in Secret

          Matthew 6:6 – “But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.”

 

4.       Praying according to God’s Will

          1 John 5:14 – “This is the confidence we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.”

 

5.       Praying in Jesus’ Name

          John 14:13-14 – “Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.”

 

6.       Praying in Agreement with Other Believers

          Matthew 18:19-20 – “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven.  For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.”

 

7.       Praying while Fasting

          Acts 14:23 – “When they had appointed elders for them in every church, having prayed with fasting, they commended them to the Lord in whom they had believed.”

 

8.       Praying from an Obedient Life

          1 John 3:21-22 – “Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do the things that are pleasing in His sight.”

 

9.       Praying while Abiding in Christ and His Word

          John 15:7 – “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.”

 

10.     Praying while Delighting in the Lord

          Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

 

A SUMMARY OF THE LOCKS

AND KEYS OF PRAYER

 

1.       You must be in a right relationship with God.

2.       You must be in a right relationship with other people.

3.       Your heart must be right.

” Lake Dunlap”

I can still feel the warm breeze across my face, as I think about the summers we spent at the lake.

Every summer until I was about 11, my dad would take us on vacation to some place fun and exciting, but the place I remember the most is Lake Dunlap. I don’t really know why this place brings up such GREAT!! memories for me, maybe it’s because it is were I spent most of my time alone with my dad he and my mom had 3 daughter but no sons, but I was a tom-boy so everything my dad did I was right there, hunting, fishing, playing golf, what ever boys did I was all there. What makes this memory so special is my parent were not together………..

 While I was still a newborn my parents divorced, but my dad never missed anything we did, and because they remained friends we saw him almost every day. He would be there in the mornings before we went to school, and every evening to have dinner with us and put us to bed. Because  neither of them remarried until I was about 5 years old we got to spend a lot of time together.

 During the summer’s we did a lot of fun things, but going to the lake was the best for me.  My dad was part of a boating club so we knew most of the families that came to the lake. I can still see my dad in his dress Whites, with his captains hat and gold applets on his shoulder as he prepared to race his boat, and even though he was 6′4″ he seemed so much  taller to me. He was a good man who loved his girls more than anything. I learned  a lot at Dunlap Lake.

I learned to swim in that lake,  and to drive a boat on that lake, how to moor a boat , and most importantly, that the lake bottom is very uneven with deep drop offs.  But most of all my sisters and I got to make some lasting memories with our dad,  (who has gone home to be with the Lord),which will stay with us forever and anytime we want, we can allow those memories to take us back to a place where we had the greatest time of our lives.

Dunlap lake is still there today making great memories for other families. but it’s in Texas.  So let me encourage you to find a place of your own to build great lasting memories for you and  your families.

If you have a  vacation story to share go to the comment section and share those great memories……

Life in Abundance

Life in Abundance: What Does it Really Mean?

Below is an article written by a very talented author “Eve Marie Everson”. After reading this writing I had to share with you all, hope it touches your heart and brings an eye revelation as it did for me.

Eva Marie Everson

It was summer of 2000 and my first book was about to be released at the CBA international retailer’s show. That particular year the annual event was held in Louisiana at the New Orleans convention center. I, along with writer and friend Laura Petherbridge, roomed together several blocks away at the Wyndham hotel.

This was my second show. The first I’d attended—the previous year—had been held in the city in which I reside. Every morning I got into my car, drove to the convention center, parked for a nominal fee, then returned home at the end of the day. But this particular year I was looking at either cabs (which I couldn’t afford at the time) or walking in the heat and humidity of New Orleans until I reached my destination.

I chose to walk. So did Laura.

Every day, as our bodies cut through the thick air, we noticed buses—official buses, just for CBA—making routine stops at hotels along the way, finally depositing their passengers mere steps from doors leading into the air-conditioned convention center. As we wiped sweat from our brow and agonized over wearing high heels and pantyhose in July, we vocally wondered about the cost of the bus.

We made our trek several times a day. Then, on the last day and for the last time, as we were heading from the event to the hotel, Laura turned to me and said, “I don’t care if that bus cost a million dollars to ride. I’m taking it. I just don’t think I can abuse myself like this any longer.”

I agreed with her. “No matter the cost,” I said. “We won’t eat dinner tonight if we run out of money.”

We stepped to the curb and looked into the air-conditioned bus, toward the kind face of the waiting driver. “Excuse me,” I said. “What is the cost to take the bus to the Wyndham?”

“Are you with CBA?” he called down from his seat.

“We are,” Laura said, showing him her entry badge. I did the same.

He smiled. “Then the bus is free.”

“Free?” I squeaked. “Do you mean to tell me we’ve walked in this heat every day for a week when we didn’t have to?”

The bus driver chuckled. “I ‘spose so. Come on up. Enjoy the ride.”

What We Didn’t Know Well, we just didn’t know. We should have known. There were signs at the hotel and at the convention center, but we’d not bothered to read them. For the next few hours, Laura and I admonished ourselves with how foolish we’d been.

 

We’d charged ahead. We knew the path, but we’d not bothered to ask the bus driver about the ride. Eventually our admonishments turned to giggles and finally all-out laughter.

In the years that followed, Laura and I have not hesitated to take the bus. And we’ve enjoyed the ride.

Really, This is Nothing New Years ago I heard a similar story. It was of a cruise ship’s captain who, while strolling on the deck one evening near the end of the journey, found a young man eating crackers with cheese as though it were his last meal. Stopping to observe the ravenous behavior, the captain finally said, “Young man, was the dinner meal not to your liking?”

 

The man looked up, startled. “Oh, no,” he replied. “I’m sure it was just fine. But I…I brought crackers and cheese for my meals.”

“But why?” the captain asked, stupefied. “There are delectable feasts in the dining hall below.”

The man hung his head between his shoulders, forlorn. “I wanted to come on a cruise for so long,” he said. “To see the ocean, to feel the waves beneath me, to stop at exotic places along the way. But I don’t make a lot of money and I could only afford my room. I’m sure the beautiful food I’ve seen being served is way out of my budget.”

The captain raised his brow. “But, young man, you don’t understand! The cost of your ticket bought you both your room and dining privileges. You’ve gone hungry for no reason at all.”

Spiritual Perspective In John 10:10, we read the often quoted words of Jesus:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. Too often we look at this verse and concentrate only on the second half. We like having life “to the full” or, as the KJV version puts it: “more abundantly.” 

But this verse comes in the middle of Jesus giving his “Good Shepherd” talk. Even though those who heard it were accustomed to the lifestyle of a shepherd and the dangers he shielded his flock from, they didn’t get the metaphor Jesus was trying to give them. They understood it was the shepherd’s work to bring the sheep out each morning, lead them along paths to fields of thick grasses for pasturing and streams of sparkling water for drinking. He led them to cool places to rest and then, at the end of the day, back “home” again where he stood watch over them. But they didn’t understand that Jesus was defining himself as the Shepherd and those who would follow him as his sheep.

And Then There is Always that Pesky “Thief”

The Greek word used in the original text for thief is: Kleptes. Using it as a root word, we get the words kleptomania and kleptomaniac. According to the NAS New Testament Greek Lexicon, kleptes means:

1. an embezzler, pilferer
2. the name is transferred to false teachers, who do not care to instruct men, but abuse their confidence for their own gain

Look again at number two. Though it would be easy to express thief simply as a “wolf,” Jesus was going for a clearer understanding of what he’d come to offer.

The teachers of the day were not fully leading their “flock” in the true ways of God. They talked a good talk when it came to religion, but little to nothing when it came to relationship. Jesus had referred to them as “wolves” in Matthew 7:15. Jesus, as a rabbi and as the Good Shepherd, wanted to show his followers—those who heard and recognized his voice—that which another shepherd had learned and had taught them through his writings a millennia before.

The Lord is my shepherd, David wrote in Psalm 23. I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. This is life abundant. It’s not perfect. It’s not free from danger or from those who would want to steal it from us. But it is a good life when we fully trust the Good Shepherd to lead us along those paths carved into the hill of life for us.

 

So Why Don’t We Get on the Bus… …or eat from the tables on cruise ships? Why do we sweat in the heat and humidity, trudging along to our destination while nibbling on crackers and cheese?

 

Maybe the false prophets are at it again. These days the truth is often veiled, making it difficult to know for sure how we’re supposed to live. If we’ve been blessed monetarily we are made to feel guilty by some who have not. If we’ve found those sweet shelters where we can rest and laugh and have joy in the Lord, we’re told we’re wrong, that this is a solemn thing, this life of a Christian. If we raise our hands and clap while singing praise and worship to our Lord, we’re told we’re being sacrilegious. We disagree on the number of instruments that can be played to honor the King and which arts are acceptable to him.

We trudge. We sweat. We starve. And we think this is the way God would have it while we are here on earth. But if we look back at the scripture just once more we’ll see the truth:

Life, Jesus said. To the full. Life. Zoe (Gk).  The absolute fullness of life. A life real and a genuine life. Full of vigor and devoted to God. A life meant to go on forever.

 

Think about that with me and I’ll see you on the bus…or at the table. Bon voyage and bon appetite.

Eva Marie Everson is the author of a number of works such as Oasis, her recently released title from Baker/Revel.

Press In God is Changing……….

 Press in now more than ever God is changing your circumstance. I know for some of you todays ”dare” is challenging, but you will receive the prize if you don’t quit.

I know you guys also receive the marriage/family devotion and in today’s devotion is part two of ”Running to Win ” the scripture states: 

1 Corinthians 9:25-27
And everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I buffet my body and make it my slave, lest possibly, after I have preached to others, I myself should be disqualified

say to yourself, therefore today I will run in such a way that I will recieve what God has planned for my marriage.

 I will not be disqualified by my inability to love my spouse or submit to the authority that God set up for my good.

Is anybody willing to share what God is doing in your life? for your Marriage and Family? let us know if this is working for you. Personally at day four I had a great revelation concerning my relationship,but I am sure some of you have great insight to share.

Welcome to the Love Dare

On behave of Pastor Joe and I, we would like to welcome everyone who has decided to take the challenge and change or enhance their marriages. May God’s Blessing rain upon you and your families……..

Please stop by and leave a comment, or post a word of encouragement.

DAY 30 and All is well!!!!

Well beloved we are at the last 10 days mark. I hope this devotion of love, has really changed your lives for the better. God is so awesome to have inspired this writer to come up with such a powerful book as this “LOVE DARE” I used these principle in every significant relationship. Read on to see how God has restored what didn’t appear broken.

In the early years of our marriage before we came to know Christ, there was infidelity in our marriage, and for the last 22 years (of the 28 years we have been married) it remained a big part of our relationship. It was this big elephant in the room that no body spoke about, or even acknowledged existed, so we just tiptoed around it. We continued ministering the word of God and acting as though everything was O.K. and it must be after all we are helping marriages and families to change and become strong, maybe it was O.K. that our own marriage was suffering since we had learned to hide our pain so well even from each other. Man, after we watched “fireproof ” we knew we had to implement this great ” Love Dare ” into our tool box for couples. Little did we know that God had a plan for us. So a year later here we are thinking we are once again bringing a tool for healing to others and God used us  and our desire to see others healed to heal us.  After an argument in front of friends ( something we NEVER allowed to happen before) they suggested  we both  take the challenge so we started the love dare and…..Wait let me go back a little.

We are Pastors, we are Marriage/Family counselors, my husband is a mental health counselor by trade and we both love the Lord very passionately. God has used us tremendously to bring lasting change in the lives of His people.

Marriages have been healed, and families made whole.  But we were still broken and unable to move pass this one thing, sure to all who looked on we had it together we “seemed ” like the perfect couple, and for the most part we are what we appear to be( but we are far from perfect ) we were not being fake, we just didn’t bleed where everyone could see it.

We taught others how to forgive and move pass the hurt, and pain while walking out the love Christ shows us daily. But it seemed so far out of reach for us. It just seemed I couldn’t get over it and it felt like Joe couldn’t trust me to open up about his feelings.

 Then 27 years into our marriage God said enough is enough, or maybe we just heard Him for the first time. I’m not really sure why or how our ears were opened, but at last we heard what God wanted all of these years from us……

TRUE and total FORGIVENESS not with our mouth, but within our hearts, and for the first time in years, we really have heard each others hearts. Because this is the first time we really did something for  us.

Day 4 had a very big impact on me, I realized I was not thoughtful of Joe. I had become complacent, tired, frustrated, and at times mean. I walked through everyday without regard to how my husband was feeling, I complained about EVERYTHING!!!!

Then

Our marriage slowly changed as we applied  each day to the other I felt my heart change. And over the last couple of weeks we have experienced the sweetness of the way God intended it to be. I have no problem submitting or being very loving to my husband because I see him following Christ, I “feel” loved as Christ loved the church.

God has began to teach us how to trust again through this “Daring to Love” unconditionally, and provoking us through each dare to put on Christ in our actions towards each other. So today not only do I love Joe, but I am in love with him. 

So if you actually did all of the days, you will see the fruit of your labor and if you missed any go back don’t give up. That’s really the key to success. So we are more than half way there, we thank God He has done a mighty work in our marriage, as I am sure He has done for you. When we finish the full 40 days, I’m going to start over and get everything God has designed for my marriage. I hope this time has been a blessing to all of you. We would love to hear from you, lets us know if this was a blessing or a hard task to complete and if you are not comfortable you don’t have to give your name. Talk to us right here at 4marriage matters, love dare blog ………….. until next time.

God Bless You, Pastor Diana

I Solution vs Isolation

Todays devotion really hit home for me, as a very young teen I became very isolated from friends and family. Just like many teens, I felt I was misunderstood by my mother and sisters.

 My mother was a single parent with 4 children and worked most of the time. My sisters were busy doing their own thing, I felt very alone. So when a distant friend invited me to his Church I went. As it turned out it was not a traditional church!!!!!

 

Well I got involved in a cult and at 14 years old what did I know. They said  they loved Jesus, at first, so it sounded right and they seemed to love me, to listen to me, to care what happened to me, Right???

What I didn’t realize was they were slowly pulling me towards them and away from my family and friends. Until I was stuck and when I tried to leave I was told, “no one leaves the family”. I was then told not to have contact with any one out side of that group.

 A husband was picked for me whom I didn’t love( at 15 I gave birth to my frist child)  and when he became abusives I was told this was the role of a husband who’s wife was unsubmissive. There is a lot more to this story that I will share, so keep checking for updates……..